2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
