You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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