"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
