dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
