Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
