My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
