I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
