Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
