and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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