Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize