I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
