Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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