My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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