i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
