SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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