By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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