i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
