Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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