The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
