whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
