you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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