YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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