Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
