How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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