I'm going to jail i love you
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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