Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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