She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
