Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
