ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
false alarm, still single
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
