why didn't you poke me back
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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