I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
