WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
