How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
