She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
