Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
