i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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