I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
