My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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