my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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