your parents love me but you hate me
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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