bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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