i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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