Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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