Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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