Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
