Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
