hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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