I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
