so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
