Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize