Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
