a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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