I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
