How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
