so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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