No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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