I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
