hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
