fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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