The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We have so much sex to catch up on
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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