Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
