The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
