In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize