Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
