new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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