idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize