Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
