it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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