My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm like, not good at living.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
