WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I had to cum in my sink.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
