You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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