I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
