I want to make a zoo with you.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
