that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
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