There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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