Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
