all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize