I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
His nipple licking is glorious
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