he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I woke up under a house in Key West
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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