Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
