K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
