Will you blow on my dice?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
