respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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