margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
