White coat. Heels.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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