I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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