I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
