i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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