So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
