i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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