I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
