You're earring is so big in my mouth
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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