i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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