you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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