im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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