That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
