she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
