We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
