Your face is a jimmy john
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
