one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
