Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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