Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Randomize
