Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
