Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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