First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
