My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
