Your face is a jimmy john
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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